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A Grieving Twenty Something

Learning to listen to your gut- when you feel gutted.

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Am I actually “Sharing” on Socials?

I disabled my instagram account.

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November 18, 2021August 31, 2023

Jadi Rae Curtis

You’re Rubber, I’m Glue

I went to target yesterday- at 5 pm, prime time, and it was such a mistake. The rush of holiday shopping has already started. I absolutely loathe it. I don’t enjoy shopping, or crowds, or overstimulation… I may have been the most miserable person in that store.

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November 17, 2021November 17, 2021

Jadi Rae Curtis

Grief, Depression, or Something Else Entirely?

So… I got diagnosed with ADHD today… surprise?! After 3 and a half hours of tests and studying the data, the doc sat me down and explained to me the way my brain works. Or, um, doesn’t work, I should say.

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July 15, 2021

Jadi Rae Curtis

Only 2 Years Left of 20-Something

Saturday whirled by in a haze of sugar and champagne and family- a welcome distraction on a Covid-era birthday. (With some fully vaccinated family members, too!)

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March 29, 2021August 28, 2021

Jadi Rae Curtis

Some Say Depression, It Is a River

*Written in late January* A few weeks ago, I heard a story about a girl who can ask her deceased father for guidance before she goes to sleep, and without fail he appears in her dreams.

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March 24, 2021August 28, 2021

Jadi Rae Curtis

You’re a Person, Not a Product

*written in December* I had a modeling job last week. LAUGH MY A** OFF. Me. Modeling. I can barely find decent pictures of me for this blog, that I post on twice a month. I just don’t like getting my picture taken. I like the idea of having nice photos of myself, but the process… Continue reading →

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March 23, 2021August 28, 2021

Jadi Rae Curtis

What It Means to “Do The Work”

What does “Do The Work” Really Mean? I’m not ambitious. I don’t have many big goals. Which doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m not a diligent worker and dreamer… but I figure that if I work hard at the things I love to do, without pressure or expectation, the end goal will eventually reveal itself.

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March 23, 2021March 25, 2021

Jadi Rae Curtis

Grateful for Grief- What it Taught Me About Allyship.

I gotta say something. In this age of astounding access to information and connection, there’s opportunity to experience grief and NOT allow it to turn you into a horrible person. Right at our fingertips, we have crazy advances in psychology, sociology, self-improvement, therapists, medicine and health sciences (I know I’m forgetting a multitude of other… Continue reading →

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March 23, 2021August 28, 2021

Jadi Rae Curtis

Breaking Up- Another Kind of Grief

*written January 2021* I went through a breakup right before Christmas. And if we’re being completely honest, my first huge breakup well… ever.

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March 19, 2021March 19, 2021

Jadi Rae Curtis

Change Never Comes Without Loss

I haven’t posted in four months… that’s maybe the longest I’ve ever been silent since I first started. Doesn’t feel great. But, I understand why. There’s been a lot of change in the past year. Just as I’d finally begun settling into Nashville, a world without my mom, and a career path I had so… Continue reading →

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March 11, 2021March 11, 2021

Jadi Rae Curtis

Why 2020 is Making Us Feel So Crazy

Have you ever heard the term dissociation? If you have, hopefully I’m not having an epiphany here that’ll make you be like “um, yeah, no duh dude”. And if you have not, keep on readin’!

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October 28, 2020October 28, 2020

Jadi Rae Curtis

Falling Back INTO Old (Good) Habits

Are mental health and emotional health the same thing? I’m starting to feel like there’s a distinction in my head, and sometimes I don’t manage to pay attention to both.

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September 30, 2020March 23, 2021

Jadi Rae Curtis

3 AM- PTSD

I don’t really want to talk about this day. But I suppose that’s what I signed up for when I started this project, huh? It’s 3:09 am and I am wide awake in bed because it’s been a tough night. We got Popper home from the hospital yesterday… he was just two days short of… Continue reading →

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September 21, 2020March 23, 2021

Jadi Rae Curtis

Build and ReBuild

It never stops, does it? Just when you think you’ve got a handle on things, something else comes up. So what is better? Ride that triumphant high during the good times? Or stay steady, don’t get too riled up with excitement? I just don’t know the answer to that one quite yet. A consistent kind… Continue reading →

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September 14, 2020September 16, 2020

Jadi Rae Curtis

Things are Looking Up

You know, the most surprising setback for me in this whole COVID-19, quarantine, unemployment, social unrest fiasco is my lack of discipline.

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August 13, 2020August 13, 2020

Jadi Rae Curtis

Feels Good to See Progress

I don’t think I have ever shared this with y’all- forgive me if I have.

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July 17, 2020July 17, 2020

Jadi Rae Curtis

To Nashville, With Love

Oh Nashville, this isn’t how I wanted it to end. But as with any breakup, there’s never just one clear reason and it’s never really a “clean break”, is it? Everyone says it isn’t truly over, but we are definitely on a break right now… and I am cheating on you with Montana! It sucks.… Continue reading →

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June 30, 2020July 1, 2020

Jadi Rae Curtis

Politeness? or Poison?

I am TIRED of putting others’ feelings before my own in every single interaction, ever. It seems to be my modus operandi and that’s just… some bullshit. I am EXHAUSTED and BURNT OUT and I have decided I am NOT DOING IT ANYMORE. This ain’t gonna be pretty- but it needed to happen.

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June 10, 2020June 10, 2020

Jadi Rae Curtis

To Cheryl- Who reminds us to be kind

This will be two separate, eerily linked posts… just…. hold on tight guys, this is a ride.  The strangest… most lovely… most surprising thing just happened to me. And if I didn’t believe in the universe being connected before, I will never be able to deny it again. 

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June 6, 2020June 6, 2020

Jadi Rae Curtis

Release Your Role

Y’all I can’t sleep. I am upset tonight. People from all over the country are messaging to make sure I am safe because of the riots happening in downtown Nashville. I am witnessing how fear and anger and sadness and cultural norms and stereotypes are veiling the true intent of peoples’ words and actions. I… Continue reading →

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May 31, 2020May 31, 2020

Jadi Rae Curtis

ENOUGH.

Oof y’all this is going to be another rambler, but isn’t that life?  I certainly don’t live in neatly structured chunks that all have an obvious goal, a well-defined plan of attack, and a satisfying conclusion- this ain’t an essay! IF ONLY…. I’m great at essays. But in these messier parts of life I have… Continue reading →

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May 1, 2020May 1, 2020

Jadi Rae Curtis

(A Few) Things That Changed My Life

NOTE: I wrote this a couple nights ago while laying in bed. The VERY NEXT DAY, a dear sweet friend told me that some of MY WORDS had something of this affect on him…. I just…. when you continue reading, you will understand why this felt like one of the most proud moments of my… Continue reading →

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April 14, 2020April 14, 2020

Jadi Rae Curtis

Advice to Myself

These past two weeks have been FULL. Full of checking news updates all day… and isolation.. and escalation of the virus… but also EMPTY. So many of us face, for perhaps the first time EVER, an unknown amount of days stuck in our homes without the daily routines and structures that give our lives order… Continue reading →

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March 28, 2020April 14, 2020

Jadi Rae Curtis

Let’s Cut the Act

I hate when people call me strong. I know. That is so ungrateful. I know it’s about the biggest compliment I could ask for right now. But it’s also the most isolating and counterintuitive comment.

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February 27, 2020February 27, 2020

Jadi Rae Curtis

To Myself and For Myself

I’ve been faced with ideas of my own place as a woman lately. What should I be doing at this point in my life? How should I behave? Who should I allow into my sphere? Why is it so damn hard to put down my foot and say what I WANT?

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February 4, 2020February 4, 2020

Jadi Rae Curtis

Be Brave Enough to Keep It Simple

I think…. I’m embarrassed to admit this…. but I think I used to be a know it all. As I got older, life smacked me down enough times (and I mean, like an Olympic volleyball player spiking me into the floor) that I grew up fast and realized that I really knew nooooothing. Like at… Continue reading →

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January 17, 2020

Jadi Rae Curtis

That January Hustle

Friends, it’s that time of year again. I’m running myself into the ground, and this year I have LEVELED UP. Instead of having just three jobs, now I have, drum roll please, four! This time last year I was an Assistant General Manager for Orangetheory, a photographer for Nashville Repertory Theatre, and a full time… Continue reading →

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January 15, 2020

Jadi Rae Curtis

January 1st, 2020- A Renewal of Hope

Hope is defined as “desire accompanied by expectation of, or belief in, fulfillment.”

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January 2, 2020

Jadi Rae Curtis

Give A Shit

Friends my heart is HEAVY today. This is going to be a stream of consciousness, rambling post. Life can be so hard on people. Today I am sad for someone else, who I know is hurting so deeply.

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December 28, 2019December 28, 2019

Jadi Rae Curtis

Choosing Joy

My grandparents don’t really want to do Christmas this year. Grandma doesn’t want to put up the tree- Papa refuses to put out the lights. They proposed skipping the gift giving.

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December 11, 2019

Jadi Rae Curtis

You Are More Than Your Smartphone

When I was in high school, my older cousin went off to join the marines. He came back from training… bootcamp(?) (Dear marines, may we just lay the ground rules right now that I am going to get all these terms wrong?) with plenty of new experiences, stories, and rules for life.

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November 19, 2019November 19, 2019

Jadi Rae Curtis

Doing Nothing to Rediscover Your Everything

I haven’t done much this week. Or the last.  It has been a strange space in time of both boredom and apathy. I had nothing to do and also did not have any desire to change that.  Perhaps my spirit knew that I needed to burrow way down into my couch, and just absorb the… Continue reading →

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September 30, 2019September 30, 2019

Jadi Rae Curtis

How a Dog Saved My Life

When Mom first died, it was the depths of winter. The rivers were frozen along the sides with thick ice flows, and the water was so steely blue, just looking at it awoke a kind of primal fear in you. One day I was driving home from town, and as I crossed one of the bridges it just seemed like it would be so simple to twitch the steering wheel a little to the right and not have to deal with how much my heart hurt anymore. But I had my Lewis in the car. He was the first dog I rescued and took home when I was in college. And not only did I never want to hurt him literally, but I realized in that moment that I never wanted to hurt him by leaving him alone. Ever. … Continue reading →

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July 31, 2019May 31, 2020

Jadi Rae Curtis

Be Brave Enough to Be You.

I’ll leave you with this. I always tried so hard to present myself to others in a perfectly wrapped little gift, with perfect crisp creases in the paper, all tied up in a bow. But the thing about presents?

Nobody really cared about the wrapping paper- they cared about what’s hidden inside.… Continue reading →

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June 11, 2019May 31, 2020

Jadi Rae Curtis

Sometimes, Helping Yourself Means Seeking Help

I love having a sounding board, and one who’s qualified and educated to act as such, to help me stay accountable. I want someone to challenge me and ask the hard questions. I want to be better. But I know that perhaps my concoction of youth and loss is something a mere self-help book can’t cover.

I know therapy can be expensive- but look at it as an investment for your future. I could have… a lot of bucks still in my bank account right now. But what good would the money do if I were still working in a department store and crying on my way to work every day? And I promise you, I would probably still be there if not for some amazing women in my life.… Continue reading →

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June 1, 2019May 31, 2020

Jadi Rae Curtis

The Truth About “Strength”

“You’re so strong.”   I get that a lot. The interesting thing, to me, is that anyone who has had their strength put up for commentary by others probably actually experienced more weakness than anything else.

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May 16, 2019May 16, 2019

Jadi Rae Curtis

“Would My Mom Be Proud of Me?”

“Your mom would be so proud of you.”   Would she?   This is the hardest question for me. At one point in my mother’s treatment, she told me that she was NOT proud of me.

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April 29, 2019May 16, 2019

Jadi Rae Curtis

Balancing Intuition, Risk, and Faith in Your Twenties

Friends, last week was a little sad… My dear friend James is on his way to a new adventure, leaving Nashville (and us) in his rear view mirror. I’m not crying, you’re crying! People come and go in our lives, but I hope James never disappears entirely, because he’s such a treasure.

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April 8, 2019April 8, 2019

Jadi Rae Curtis

Our Stories Matter

I’ve been writing publicly for almost a year now… yikes! Though it never gets easier, I think it’s safe to say that I have had some good practice in opening myself up to whatever scrutiny, misunderstanding, or judgment may come. And you know what? Nothing. happened. I waited for the moment someone would call me… Continue reading →

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March 19, 2019March 19, 2019

Jadi Rae Curtis

I’m Back!

This is the most direction I’ve had since Mom died.

As I started to reflect, I couldn’t believe how eventful these past…. 51 days have been.

I did Whole30 (don’t ask how I got corralled into that) (And, like, I really did Whole23 because there was no way I was staying out of Super Bowl snacks). I started a photography business for reals. I began my certification to become a vocal coach!! I accepted a promotion at work. I’ve started consistent therapy, and, man, is it ever OPENING ME UP. I have read seven books already this year. I have started taking time out of my week to just sing again. I completely overhauled my whole planner/daily journal situation- which I’m definitely going to write about later. Oh, and I have consistently switched to working every weekday at 4:30 am. Every. Weekday.

Somehow, I managed to put a whole lot of fun and friendship in there, too.

I turn 26 in two weeks- woah. I can’t wait. I feel like I’m headed into this new age with more hope than I have had in years. I feel that in my bones.

So I’ll just give you a little catchup, huh? Summarize how all this goodness came about?… Continue reading →

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February 25, 2019February 25, 2019

Jadi Rae Curtis

Grief Does Not Define My Life

I LOVE NEW YEARS. I love a time devoted to diving inward to find more clarity and renewed insight into your hopes for the future. It’s a good time to see how far you’ve come and practice being gentle with yourself. I sat in my window seat on the plane ride home, scribbling furiously in… Continue reading →

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January 4, 2019January 4, 2019

Jadi Rae Curtis

What Happens When Grief Gets the Better of You?

I woke up the next morning racking my brain for why I had done it. There was an anger in what I had said that I didn’t even recognize- I just kept thinking over and over, where did that come from? There must have been a lot of negative energy running rampant in my subconscious, and the moment it got an opportunity to surface well, boy, did it ever SURFACE. The fact that it took me doing something hugely embarrassing and hurtful to even realize this startles me. It is so easy to deliberately ignore slipping mental health- we don’t want to know that we’re not doing well. … Continue reading →

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December 17, 2018December 17, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

Not Every Memory Has to be About Grief

And then, once I finally realized that I wouldn’t hesitate to bring up these stories if she were alive, it became clear that I shouldn’t now! I talk about my dad in conversation all the time, so why not Mom? Just because she died doesn’t mean that her presence in my life died. It doesn’t mean that she stopped being relevant and funny.
My mom is still one of the most important, wonderful people in my life. … Continue reading →

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December 7, 2018December 8, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

So Grief Changes Your Plans- Now What?

This is going to be a short, candid one this week, my loves. No editing, just straight from my brain to the keyboard. With the arrival of plenty of painful anniversaries and memories, I’ve gone into a period of consuming rather than creating. Just like the natural world follows a natural ebb and flow of… Continue reading →

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November 29, 2018November 29, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

Grief and Tattoos

The year after my mom’s death, I decided to get a tattoo. She would have KILLED ME. Losing Mom had changed me emotionally, spiritually, and mentally- yet physically I remained unchanged. Something felt… off. It felt as though the exterior that had always been, no longer matched who I was on the inside. I had an… Continue reading →

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November 16, 2018November 16, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

Perfectionism and Grief Cannot Coexist

I am a born and bred perfectionist. Like, it was a problem my parents had to really monitor when I was a kid. Apparently I would completely lose it if I drew something and it didn’t come out looking realistic… when I was four. Pretty sure those bluebirds were gonna look like blobs no matter… Continue reading →

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November 1, 2018November 1, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

Do I Talk About Grief on a First Date?

There are so many ways for it to come up. He asks about my tattoo- what it says, what it means. He asks why I moved to Nashville. He asks what I do for work, or what I dream to do one day. He asks about my family. He casually text “How are you doing… Continue reading →

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October 25, 2018October 25, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

When Grief Makes Us Paranoid

Back in October of 2015, when my mom had just started to be gravely ill, I worked in a restaurant. It was an amazing place to be, but sometimes the nights could be slow. It was a hard time in my life to have hours on end without any kind of mental diversion. 

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October 18, 2018November 1, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

Grief and the Fear of Memories

When something terrible happens, it makes sense that we would want to block those memories out, avoid them at all costs. Who wants to revisit that? And dwelling has gotten itself such a bad rep. Our reasons to try to push those memories down until they are buried so deep inside of us that we… Continue reading →

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September 28, 2018September 28, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

Abandoning Fear, Facing Grief

I’m honestly not quite sure what to write this week- because things have been hectic and busy and, well, good. But I think that all this goodness has an incredibly powerful foundation. The abandonment of fear.

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September 7, 2018December 11, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

Can I Talk About Grief on Social Media?

I was scrolling through my instagram the other day, when I came across an absolutely gorgeous picture of one of my dear friends. Looking at her smiling face, set in front of a beautiful backdrop, it suddenly dawned on me that, though she and I have helped each other through similarly traumatic life experiences, she… Continue reading →

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August 31, 2018August 31, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

The Dishonesty of Bringing Drama into Grieving

I love a good podcast. When someone figures out how to put their wisdom and knowledge and, more importantly, their personal experience in to words that universally speak truth about what it means to be human… what it means to strive for more despite our imperfections… I fall fast and hard for that shit.

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August 24, 2018September 19, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

What Death Teaches About Time- It’s Limited.

As August began, I found myself wondering where this year had gone. It still felt as if it was only just starting! How were we already almost ⅔ of the way through?! And then I brushed that thought away because there were like a gazillion memes to back up my disbelief. We’re all wondering the… Continue reading →

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August 17, 2018September 19, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

How Creativity Heals Grief

I hate when I realize I’ve been a hypocrite. I was talking to a friend recently about her grief. (DISCLAIMER: I don’t go around only talking about this all the time- I promise grief doesn’t rule my life, nor am I obsessed! But I am honored that I’ve become someone people can go to for… Continue reading →

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August 10, 2018September 19, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

Grieving Demands Self Care- What is it?

What does taking care of yourself even look like? If you asked me right now if I’m doing a good job of taking care of myself, then I would have to be honest: no.

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July 18, 2018September 19, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

Your Vulnerability in Grief is Not Your Weakness

This blog is officially two months old.😱 And while that seems like nothing, it’s been a revolutionary couple of months for me. Okay, maybe not the first month. The first month, I was allowed to coast on the quippy topics I had dreamed up on my walks in the park with Huck. The second month,… Continue reading →

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July 11, 2018September 19, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

I Moved! A New Home, A New Perspective of Grief

These past two weeks have been a transitional period for me. I moved apartments and finally had my first week of flying solo at the new job. My routine was shaken up, my possessions were all over the place, and my time and energy were consumed by revamping my entire lifestyle. Transitional periods make me… Continue reading →

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June 25, 2018September 19, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

So, Your Bestie is Grieving. How Can you Help Them?

Last week, my best friend and I went to one of Nashville’s cutest little burger spots for a late lunch. It was a random tuesday, and we sat on our little repurposed vintage schoolhouse chairs and drank summer ales from mason jars among the exposed brick and twinkle lights. The perfect little “treat yoself” summer… Continue reading →

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June 12, 2018June 12, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

My Grieving Resilience Tool

Last summer, I arrived home in Nashville when the realization hit me- I had left my planner on a freaking airplane. My heart sank to somewhere around my ankles. I frantically started sending messages and submitting multiple lost item notices to the airline, tracing my steps back to when I last had it, looking up… Continue reading →

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June 5, 2018September 19, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

How Grief Has Changed My Religious Beliefs

Y’all, this is a long post, so here’s the “takeaway thought”, if you will: The vulnerability of grief has also taught me to prioritize the mystery and vulnerability of spiritual life. Cool, okay, so if you’re interested, read on!

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May 29, 2018September 19, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

Ignoring Grief- The Downside of Staying Busy

I know you’re gonna recognize this. “How are you doing?” “Oh, I’m fine, just keeping busy.” That is not an answer. They asked how you’re doing, not what you’re doing. Busy is not a feeling, busy is not a state of mind! Or… have we turned it into one?

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May 22, 2018September 19, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

Who Gets to Say They’re Grieving?

I was going to start off this post with a story. And then I realized I don’t want that to distract from the message I feel is so vitally important to the purpose of my site. So let’s get this straight right now.

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May 15, 2018May 15, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

Forced Grief Days- How I Plan to Approach Mother’s Day

So Mother’s Day is coming up. I’ve been doing really well this past week or two with missing Mom. And just when I thought I’d hit a good rhythm, this holiday has popped right on up.

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May 11, 2018May 15, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

Was it Just WILD? Or Does Nature Really Help Me Grieve?

My dad came to visit last week, and while he was here we watched the documentary Charged. First of all, if you haven’t seen it, I totally recommend it. It explores loss from a really different circumstance than mine, but it was a perspective that I was whole-heartedly grateful to take in. Beyond the story… Continue reading →

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May 1, 2018May 8, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

If I’m Grieving, Can I Still Drink?

Ah, grief and alcohol. What a pair. Because that’s what happens in movies, right? Someone loses a loved one, hits the bottle, and it becomes a full-blown addiction. But does that have to be our reality? What if we’re young and want to let loose a little? Or a lot? I’ll be honest. The balance between fun and healthy can be really hard to figure out when you’re grieving. And I still don’t think I always get it right. The bottom line is that we just have to be a little more careful to take care of our hearts and minds, and self-care doesn’t exactly involve binge drinking. So what happens when we go a little overboard? Well, I’ve got you covered with my Two Step Plan.… Continue reading →

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May 1, 2018December 2, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

Grief and Isolation: Was this the WORST Decision I’ve Ever Made?

So will someone please explain to me why I decided to move across the country by myself- less than a year after my mom died?! A few thousand miles from home, and all alone- that’s about as isolated as a girl can get.

I willingly removed myself from the people and the places I loved- and the people and places who loved me in return- at a time when I really needed to be surrounded by love.
My mom passed at home in Montana in December of 2015, and I was living in Nashville by the following September. I have questioned this decision literally every single day for the past year and 214 days. Okay, like, maybe every other day. Some of them have been fun. ;)… Continue reading →

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April 27, 2018December 2, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

How I Figured Out How to Process Grief.

I like to think that grief can give you what I have nicknamed the Feeling Fog, when you’ve got a general haze of emotions and thoughts, the molecules of which are so densely packed together that they become an entity all their own that clouds your brain. Let’s start by just getting to know our feelings, shall we? Let’s discover how you identify the sensations you’re experiencing and how you prefer to explore them. Find out how you PROCESS. I can confidently tell you, I process by writing. If I just sit there thinking, or trying to talk to someone, the thoughts and words are gonna get all twisted around and confused, and my logic makes literally NO sense. But the second I begin to write them out, it’s like a road map of my brain starts to unfold in front of me.… Continue reading →

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April 25, 2018June 30, 2022

Jadi Rae Curtis

A Little Introduction- Why I Grieve

On the advice of a wonderfully wise fellow writer, I suppose I ought to reveal to you all the source of my own grief. While the telling of the whole story is something I’ve never attempted, I am sure I could fill a book with the ups and downs of my mom’s illness, her passing, and the beginning of my grief. Here, however, is the blog post version- as quick as I can make it.… Continue reading →

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April 10, 2018December 2, 2018

Jadi Rae Curtis

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