3 AM

I don’t really want to talk about this day. But I suppose that’s what I signed up for when I started this project, huh? It’s 3:09 am and I am wide awake in bed because it’s been a tough night. We got Popper home from the hospital yesterday… he was just two days short of a whole month-long stay.

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Build and ReBuild

It never stops, does it? Just when you think you’ve got a handle on things, something else comes up. So what is better? Ride that triumphant high during the good times? Or stay steady, don’t get too riled up with excitement? I just don’t know the answer to that one quite yet. A consistent kind of contentment would be nice, but what about exhilaration? What about elation? Those are such wonderful feelings… and yet the fall is always rougher from a greater height.

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To Nashville, With Love

Oh Nashville, this isn’t how I wanted it to end. But as with any breakup, there’s never just one clear reason and it’s never really a “clean break”, is it? Everyone says it isn’t truly over, but we are definitely on a break right now… and I am cheating on you with Montana! It sucks. Even though I didn’t always like you, you gave me what I needed. I joke! But it does feel like a bad breakup!

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Politeness? or Poison?

I am TIRED of putting others’ feelings before my own in every single interaction, ever. It seems to be my modus operandi and that’s just… some bullshit. I am EXHAUSTED and BURNT OUT and I have decided I am NOT DOING IT ANYMORE. This ain’t gonna be pretty- but it needed to happen.

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Release Your Role

Y’all I can’t sleep.

I am upset tonight. People from all over the country are messaging to make sure I am safe because of the riots happening in downtown Nashville. I am witnessing how fear and anger and sadness and cultural norms and stereotypes are veiling the true intent of peoples’ words and actions. I will TRY to make this quick because I am too tired and need to sleep, but do you ever feel a thought curled up at the back of your head for days, pulling your daily experiences and observations into its sphere? Does it ring like a bell trying to get your attention?

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ENOUGH.

Oof y’all this is going to be another rambler, but isn’t that life? 

I certainly don’t live in neatly structured chunks that all have an obvious goal, a well-defined plan of attack, and a satisfying conclusion- this ain’t an essay! IF ONLY…. I’m great at essays. But in these messier parts of life I have learned (and even fondly embraced) messier thinking. I used to think in black and white- now I get that 90% of reality is actually some shade of gray.

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(A Few) Things That Changed My Life

NOTE: I wrote this a couple nights ago while laying in bed. The VERY NEXT DAY, a dear sweet friend told me that some of MY WORDS had something of this affect on him…. I just…. when you continue reading, you will understand why this felt like one of the most proud moments of my life. To hear someone I love and admire say this to me… about my work… Okay maybe I’m blowing his comment out of proportion, but it did mean a lot that my work means even just something to someone.

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