Back in October of 2015, when my mom had just started to be gravely ill, I worked in a restaurant. It was an amazing place to be, but sometimes the nights could be slow. It was a hard time in my life to have hours on end without any kind of mental diversion.
When something terrible happens, it makes sense that we would want to block those memories out, avoid them at all costs. Who wants to revisit that? And dwelling has gotten itself such a bad rep. Our reasons to try to push those memories down until they are buried so deep inside of us that we never have to confront them again are unlimited. Continue reading “Grief and the Fear of Memories”
I’m honestly not quite sure what to write this week- because things have been hectic and busy and, well, good. But I think that all this goodness has an incredibly powerful foundation. The abandonment of fear. Continue reading “Abandoning Fear, Facing Grief”
I was scrolling through my instagram the other day, when I came across an absolutely gorgeous picture of one of my dear friends. Looking at her smiling face, set in front of a beautiful backdrop, it suddenly dawned on me that, though she and I have helped each other through similarly traumatic life experiences, she rarely posts publicly about her personal life. Her feed is mostly exciting images of her recent adventures, and she looks lovely and happy in all of them. I got so insanely jealous.
This realization that our feeds are so different from each others’ made me feel embarrassed and ashamed. Continue reading “Can I Talk About Grief on Social Media?”
I love a good podcast. When someone figures out how to put their wisdom and knowledge and, more importantly, their personal experience in to words that universally speak truth about what it means to be human… what it means to strive for more despite our imperfections… I fall fast and hard for that shit.
As August began, I found myself wondering where this year had gone. It still felt as if it was only just starting! How were we already almost ⅔ of the way through?! And then I brushed that thought away because there were like a gazillion memes to back up my disbelief. We’re all wondering the same thing.
But then, last night, I came across a picture from January on my phone. My mind exploded a little bit, because it hit me just how long ago January actually was. My brain had a hard time taking stock of all that has happened so far this year- I’ve left jobs, started jobs, and then left more jobs, changed my hair, gained weight, lost weight, started this project, bounced from state to state…. so how could my consciousness have rejected all that passing of time that has been going on? How has it held fast to this idea of… new beginnings? Of fresh opportunity? That I had plenty of time to do right by 2018?
I hate when I realize I’ve been a hypocrite.
I was talking to a friend recently about her grief. (DISCLAIMER: I don’t go around only talking about this all the time- I promise grief doesn’t rule my life, nor am I obsessed! But I am honored that I’ve become someone people can go to for honest and open discussion about what it means to have lost. I consider it to a privilege to be approached so often by my loved ones. Anyhow, moving on!)
We were talking about her grief and, more specifically, what happens to our creative processes when we experience loss. She admitted that she had turned away from her creative pursuits- things that used to bring her joy and comfort. She loved to paint.
What does taking care of yourself even look like?
If you asked me right now if I’m doing a good job of taking care of myself, then I would have to be honest: no. Continue reading “Grieving Demands Self Care- What is it?”
This blog is officially two months old.😱 And while that seems like nothing, it’s been a revolutionary couple of months for me. Okay, maybe not the first month.
The first month, I was allowed to coast on the quippy topics I had dreamed up on my walks in the park with Huck. The second month, though, has been a trying stage of life- and an even more difficult time to share my person life. But more on that in a bit! Continue reading “Your Vulnerability in Grief is Not Your Weakness”
These past two weeks have been a transitional period for me. I moved apartments and finally had my first week of flying solo at the new job. My routine was shaken up, my possessions were all over the place, and my time and energy were consumed by revamping my entire lifestyle.
Transitional periods make me anxious. They also make me miss my mom even more. She was a source of stability and reassurance, even when my environment was anything but. Continue reading “I Moved! A New Home, A New Perspective of Grief”