Grief and Tattoos

The year after my mom’s death, I decided to get a tattoo. She would have KILLED ME.

Losing Mom had changed me emotionally, spiritually, and mentally- yet physically I remained unchanged. Something felt… off. It felt as though the exterior that had always been, no longer matched who I was on the inside. I had an overwhelming desperation for a physical reminder of her. I could feel the missing her on my skin. Continue reading “Grief and Tattoos”

Perfectionism and Grief Cannot Coexist

I am a born and bred perfectionist.

Like, it was a problem my parents had to really monitor when I was a kid. Apparently I would completely lose it if I drew something and it didn’t come out looking realistic… when I was four. Pretty sure those bluebirds were gonna look like blobs no matter how hard I tried.

I have a vivid memory from when I was just a little one. I don’t recall what the spark was, but I was alone in my room, organizing my stuffed animals (because what kid doesn’t organize their belongings for fun?!), and I found myself getting so frustrated with myself and my inability to have complete control. The specifics of the memory are so overpowered by this raw sense of desperate frustration and anger. Just by thinking about it, I can recall those feelings into my body, they are so strong and I think, in some ways, inherent in who I am. Continue reading “Perfectionism and Grief Cannot Coexist”

Do I Talk About Grief on a First Date?

There are so many ways for it to come up.

He asks about my tattoo- what it says, what it means. He asks why I moved to Nashville. He asks what I do for work, or what I dream to do one day. He asks about my family. He casually text “How are you doing today?” on the anniversary of my mom’s death. (This really happened!) It all leads back to my mom. And what if I’m not ready to tell this story? To a stranger, no less?

I’m talking first dates, loves. Dating in the midst of the grieving process can be SO HARD. Continue reading “Do I Talk About Grief on a First Date?”

Can I Talk About Grief on Social Media?

I was scrolling through my instagram the other day, when I came across an absolutely gorgeous picture of one of my dear friends. Looking at her smiling face, set in front of a beautiful backdrop, it suddenly dawned on me that, though she and I have helped each other through similarly traumatic life experiences, she rarely posts publicly about her personal life. Her feed is mostly exciting images of her recent adventures, and she looks lovely and happy in all of them. I got so insanely jealous.

This realization that our feeds are so different from each others’ made me feel embarrassed and ashamed. Continue reading “Can I Talk About Grief on Social Media?”