Today I sat down to write and was assaulted by all the concerns that have been circulating in my head lately:
I’ve been writing publicly for almost a year now… yikes! Though it never gets easier, I think it’s safe to say that I have had some good practice in opening myself up to whatever scrutiny, misunderstanding, or judgment may come.
And you know what?
Nothing. happened. I waited for the moment someone would call me out, to say I had made allll the mistakes with my writing or my choices or my beliefs. No one told me I was wrong. Nobody told me I was weak or stupid. In fact, the opposite happened. I had you sharing your stories with me, opening up, and giving me back all that honesty I had put out.
Phew. It’s been awhile, huh?
Thank you for allowing me to take some time for myself during this start to the year. What a whirlwind it’s been. I wanted to write so many times about all the things I was experiencing and practicing and struggling with- but this past month and a half has been rather a lot like a mountain climb. Okay, maybe a hill climb. We certainly ain’t at the top of a mountain yet! But what I mean is that, while you’re on the trail, pushing through the uphill battle and the distance through the woods, you don’t exactly get a lot of perspective on where you’re going- or where you started out for that matter. It’s just trusting forward momentum and hoping that it won’t fade. After about a month and a half of serious steps forward, I feel like I’m finally able to get some lay of the land!
This is the most direction I’ve had since Mom died. Continue reading “I’m Back!”
I LOVE NEW YEARS.
I love a time devoted to diving inward to find more clarity and renewed insight into your hopes for the future. It’s a good time to see how far you’ve come and practice being gentle with yourself.
I sat in my window seat on the plane ride home, scribbling furiously in my journal about 2018… Continue reading “Grief Does Not Define My Life”
I messed up. I had one too many drinks and I ended up doing something stupid and said some really not nice things to a friend. I hate sharing this, but in some ways it feels like I owe it to y’all to show up to this work with honesty. I’m not here to tell you that I get everything right.
Continue reading “What Happens When Grief Gets the Better of You?”
I used to think I wasn’t allowed to talk about my mom after she died. Maybe I didn’t literally have that thought, but my decisions and actions certainly reveal that… subconsciously, I did. I thought it would make other people feel uncomfortable, and that it was unfair TO THEM to make them feel uneasy or awkward. What. The. Hell.
Continue reading “Not Every Memory Has to be About Grief”
When I first lost my mom, I didn’t know if I was allowed to go out. Continue reading “If I’m Grieving, Can I Still Drink?”
I’ve heard that it’s important to not isolate ourselves while grieving. Instead of pushing others away and stubbornly thinking we can rely on our own strength, we ought to lean on those who love us for support and understanding. Community is key. I’ve also heard the cliched advice that it’s important not to make any big changes during the first year of grief, as that puts a lot of added strain on an already trying time. Continue reading “Grief and Isolation: Was this the WORST Decision I’ve Ever Made?”
Have you heard of the term brain fog? It’s that feeling when you should be perfectly fine, you’re just going about your day, and WHAM. Your brain has gone all soft and fuzzy and you want to fall asleep right where you’re at and all the energy in your body has disappeared. Your reflexes are slow. This is totally normal and people feel it all the time when they’re tired or they’ve had a long day- whatever. Continue reading “Processing Grief is a Personal Preference: How I Figured Out the Way I Process Grief.”
On the advice of a wonderfully wise fellow writer, I suppose I ought to reveal to you all the source of my own grief. While the telling of the whole story is something I’ve never attempted, I am sure I could fill a book with the ups and downs of my mom’s illness, her passing, and the beginning of my grief. Here, however, is the blog post version- as quick as I can make it. Continue reading “A Little Introduction- Why I Grieve”