I’ve been experiencing an odd sensation lately- it’s almost like I’m less in control than I have ever been before. It’s impulsive and chaotic. It’s… uncomfortable. It’s disorienting. Continue reading “Be Brave Enough to Be You.”
Balancing Intuition, Risk, and Faith in Your Twenties
Friends, last week was a little sad… My dear friend James is on his way to a new adventure, leaving Nashville (and us) in his rear view mirror. I’m not crying, you’re crying! People come and go in our lives, but I hope James never disappears entirely, because he’s such a treasure. Continue reading “Balancing Intuition, Risk, and Faith in Your Twenties”
Our Stories Matter
I’ve been writing publicly for almost a year now… yikes! Though it never gets easier, I think it’s safe to say that I have had some good practice in opening myself up to whatever scrutiny, misunderstanding, or judgment may come.
And you know what?
Nothing. happened. I waited for the moment someone would call me out, to say I had made allll the mistakes with my writing or my choices or my beliefs. No one told me I was wrong. Nobody told me I was weak or stupid. In fact, the opposite happened. I had you sharing your stories with me, opening up, and giving me back all that honesty I had put out.
So Grief Changes Your Plans- Now What?
This is going to be a short, candid one this week, my loves. No editing, just straight from my brain to the keyboard. With the arrival of plenty of painful anniversaries and memories, I’ve gone into a period of consuming rather than creating.
Just like the natural world follows a natural ebb and flow of rest and productivity, so too does our need to give and take follow a pattern. Continue reading “So Grief Changes Your Plans- Now What?”
Perfectionism and Grief Cannot Coexist
I am a born and bred perfectionist.
Like, it was a problem my parents had to really monitor when I was a kid. Apparently I would completely lose it if I drew something and it didn’t come out looking realistic… when I was four. Pretty sure those bluebirds were gonna look like blobs no matter how hard I tried.
I have a vivid memory from when I was just a little one. I don’t recall what the spark was, but I was alone in my room, organizing my stuffed animals (because what kid doesn’t organize their belongings for fun?!), and I found myself getting so frustrated with myself and my inability to have complete control. The specifics of the memory are so overpowered by this raw sense of desperate frustration and anger. Just by thinking about it, I can recall those feelings into my body, they are so strong and I think, in some ways, inherent in who I am. Continue reading “Perfectionism and Grief Cannot Coexist”
Abandoning Fear, Facing Grief
I’m honestly not quite sure what to write this week- because things have been hectic and busy and, well, good. But I think that all this goodness has an incredibly powerful foundation. The abandonment of fear. Continue reading “Abandoning Fear, Facing Grief”
Can I Talk About Grief on Social Media?
I was scrolling through my instagram the other day, when I came across an absolutely gorgeous picture of one of my dear friends. Looking at her smiling face, set in front of a beautiful backdrop, it suddenly dawned on me that, though she and I have helped each other through similarly traumatic life experiences, she rarely posts publicly about her personal life. Her feed is mostly exciting images of her recent adventures, and she looks lovely and happy in all of them. I got so insanely jealous.
This realization that our feeds are so different from each others’ made me feel embarrassed and ashamed. Continue reading “Can I Talk About Grief on Social Media?”
The Dishonesty of Bringing Drama into Grieving
I love a good podcast. When someone figures out how to put their wisdom and knowledge and, more importantly, their personal experience in to words that universally speak truth about what it means to be human… what it means to strive for more despite our imperfections… I fall fast and hard for that shit.
Continue reading “The Dishonesty of Bringing Drama into Grieving”
What Death Teaches About Time- It’s Limited.
As August began, I found myself wondering where this year had gone. It still felt as if it was only just starting! How were we already almost ⅔ of the way through?! And then I brushed that thought away because there were like a gazillion memes to back up my disbelief. We’re all wondering the same thing.
But then, last night, I came across a picture from January on my phone. My mind exploded a little bit, because it hit me just how long ago January actually was. My brain had a hard time taking stock of all that has happened so far this year- I’ve left jobs, started jobs, and then left more jobs, changed my hair, gained weight, lost weight, started this project, bounced from state to state…. so how could my consciousness have rejected all that passing of time that has been going on? How has it held fast to this idea of… new beginnings? Of fresh opportunity? That I had plenty of time to do right by 2018?
Continue reading “What Death Teaches About Time- It’s Limited.”
Grieving Demands Self Care- What is it?
What does taking care of yourself even look like?
If you asked me right now if I’m doing a good job of taking care of myself, then I would have to be honest: no. Continue reading “Grieving Demands Self Care- What is it?”
Your Vulnerability in Grief is Not Your Weakness
This blog is officially two months old.😱 And while that seems like nothing, it’s been a revolutionary couple of months for me. Okay, maybe not the first month.
The first month, I was allowed to coast on the quippy topics I had dreamed up on my walks in the park with Huck. The second month, though, has been a trying stage of life- and an even more difficult time to share my person life. But more on that in a bit! Continue reading “Your Vulnerability in Grief is Not Your Weakness”
I Moved! A New Home, A New Perspective of Grief
These past two weeks have been a transitional period for me. I moved apartments and finally had my first week of flying solo at the new job. My routine was shaken up, my possessions were all over the place, and my time and energy were consumed by revamping my entire lifestyle.
Transitional periods make me anxious. They also make me miss my mom even more. She was a source of stability and reassurance, even when my environment was anything but. Continue reading “I Moved! A New Home, A New Perspective of Grief”
My Grieving Resilience Tool
Last summer, I arrived home in Nashville when the realization hit me- I had left my planner on a freaking airplane. My heart sank to somewhere around my ankles.
I frantically started sending messages and submitting multiple lost item notices to the airline, tracing my steps back to when I last had it, looking up my specific seat assignments in hopes that somewhere out there SOMEONE would be as OCD as I am to record where exactly my lost item had been found- because I KNEW I had left it in the seatback pocket of 27E.
How Grief Has Changed My Religious Beliefs
Y’all, this is a long post, so here’s the “takeaway thought”, if you will: The vulnerability of grief has also taught me to prioritize the mystery and vulnerability of spiritual life. Cool, okay, so if you’re interested, read on!
Continue reading “How Grief Has Changed My Religious Beliefs”
Was it Just WILD? Or Does Nature Really Help Me Grieve?
My dad came to visit last week, and while he was here we watched the documentary Charged. First of all, if you haven’t seen it, I totally recommend it. It explores loss from a really different circumstance than mine, but it was a perspective that I was whole-heartedly grateful to take in. Beyond the story itself was the backdrop of the film- Montana. My home state. Continue reading “Was it Just WILD? Or Does Nature Really Help Me Grieve?”
Grief and Isolation: Was this the WORST Decision I’ve Ever Made?
I’ve heard that it’s important to not isolate ourselves while grieving. Instead of pushing others away and stubbornly thinking we can rely on our own strength, we ought to lean on those who love us for support and understanding. Community is key. I’ve also heard the cliched advice that it’s important not to make any big changes during the first year of grief, as that puts a lot of added strain on an already trying time. Continue reading “Grief and Isolation: Was this the WORST Decision I’ve Ever Made?”
How I Figured Out How to Process Grief.
Have you heard of the term brain fog? It’s that feeling when you should be perfectly fine, you’re just going about your day, and WHAM. Your brain has gone all soft and fuzzy and you want to fall asleep right where you’re at and all the energy in your body disappeared. Your reflexes are slow. This is totally normal and people feel it all the time when they’re tired or they’ve had a long day- whatever. Continue reading “How I Figured Out How to Process Grief.”
A Little Introduction- Why I Grieve
On the advice of a wonderfully wise fellow writer, I suppose I ought to reveal to you all the source of my own grief. While the telling of the whole story is something I’ve never attempted, I am sure I could fill a book with the ups and downs of my mom’s illness, her passing, and the beginning of my grief. Here, however, is the blog post version- as quick as I can make it. Continue reading “A Little Introduction- Why I Grieve”