Build and ReBuild

It never stops, does it? Just when you think you’ve got a handle on things, something else comes up. So what is better? Ride that triumphant high during the good times? Or stay steady, don’t get too riled up with excitement? I just don’t know the answer to that one quite yet. A consistent kind of contentment would be nice, but what about exhilaration? What about elation? Those are such wonderful feelings… and yet the fall is always rougher from a greater height.

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To Nashville, With Love

Oh Nashville, this isn’t how I wanted it to end. But as with any breakup, there’s never just one clear reason and it’s never really a “clean break”, is it? Everyone says it isn’t truly over, but we are definitely on a break right now… and I am cheating on you with Montana! It sucks. Even though I didn’t always like you, you gave me what I needed. I joke! But it does feel like a bad breakup!

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Politeness? or Poison?

I am TIRED of putting others’ feelings before my own in every single interaction, ever. It seems to be my modus operandi and that’s just… some bullshit. I am EXHAUSTED and BURNT OUT and I have decided I am NOT DOING IT ANYMORE. This ain’t gonna be pretty- but it needed to happen.

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Release Your Role

Y’all I can’t sleep.

I am upset tonight. People from all over the country are messaging to make sure I am safe because of the riots happening in downtown Nashville. I am witnessing how fear and anger and sadness and cultural norms and stereotypes are veiling the true intent of peoples’ words and actions. I will TRY to make this quick because I am too tired and need to sleep, but do you ever feel a thought curled up at the back of your head for days, pulling your daily experiences and observations into its sphere? Does it ring like a bell trying to get your attention?

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Oof y’all this is going to be another rambler, but isn’t that life? 

I certainly don’t live in neatly structured chunks that all have an obvious goal, a well-defined plan of attack, and a satisfying conclusion- this ain’t an essay! IF ONLY…. I’m great at essays. But in these messier parts of life I have learned (and even fondly embraced) messier thinking. I used to think in black and white- now I get that 90% of reality is actually some shade of gray.

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(A Few) Things That Changed My Life

NOTE: I wrote this a couple nights ago while laying in bed. The VERY NEXT DAY, a dear sweet friend told me that some of MY WORDS had something of this affect on him…. I just…. when you continue reading, you will understand why this felt like one of the most proud moments of my life. To hear someone I love and admire say this to me… about my work… Okay maybe I’m blowing his comment out of proportion, but it did mean a lot that my work means even just something to someone.

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Advice to Myself

These past two weeks have been FULL. Full of checking news updates all day… and isolation.. and escalation of the virus… but also EMPTY. So many of us face, for perhaps the first time EVER, an unknown amount of days stuck in our homes without the daily routines and structures that give our lives order and rhythm. We have never had this amount of free time.

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